The Wrong End of the Knife

By

Kent McKee

Int. Detective’s Office. Late Day

(We see smoke floating around in a room. Shades are slanted down. More smoke is blown up into the frame. Slow jazz is played as soundtrack. Pan down as even more smoke is being blown up. Camera follows smoke down as its going up. We see a young man in a white shirt, loosened tie, and slacks with his feet propped up on the desk.  He is smoking. This is MARTY.)

MARTY (voice-over)

It’d been a slow day. An even slower month. And the year=d gone by slower than an afternoon of waiting for your VD test results .  Yeah, the private eye game wasn’t so hot around these parts. No cases to solve. Nobody has affairs in this town, nobody murders, nobody even results to violence in disagreements. And I’ll tell ya I was plain sick of it. IC(office door is flung open, it’s MARTY’s secretary. She has a shrill voice.)

SEC.

There’s a girl that wants to see you.

MARTY

Customer?

SEC.

Who knows. She looks sorta trampy.

MARTY

Whaddya mean?

SEC.

I mean, she looks sorta trampy. Like she hasn’t had a shower in a few days, and the last one she did have was probably in a motel room being rented by a trucker.

MARTY

Listen, I don’t pay you to make assessments of my clients. I don’t care if that girl out there is Courtney Love. I need some dough, and I need it real bad. So you send her in. I’m on the level here, you say another word and you’ll be seein’ stars.

SEC.

Okay okay. (looks out office door) You can come in now.

MARTY (v.o. cont.)

But when that dame walked into my office I was the one seein’ stars. She was something all right, a real angel. And my secretary Doris was rightYshe was a bit on the skanky side-which is exactly what I look for in a woman. The dame was sexy all right. Maybe a little too sexy. (To SALLY) What can I do for you ma’m.

SALLY

Detective Sanchez?

MARTY

Yep

SALLY

You don’t look Mexican.

MARTY

I’m not.

SALLY

But-your name’s Sanchez.

MARTY

Just cause a fellas got the name Sanchez means he’s Mexican all of a sudden?

SALLY

Umm-well, yeah I thought so.

MARTY

Well you’re wrong Miss- dead wrong.  Lotsa guys with Hispanic last names aren’t actually Hispanic.  Nicholas Cage for example. Real last name is Lopez. But I don’t see you playing twenty questions with him.

SALLY

Nicholas Cage’s real last name isn’t Lopez!

MARTY (defensive)

Ok, so it aint! I changed my last name.  It used to be  Marty Mulligan.  But that don’t too tough, does it? Guy like me needs some street cred. Sanchez sounds tough. Guys named Sanchez are the leading cause of knife wounds in this country. And guys named Mulligan are on the wrong end of the knife, if ya catch my drift….

(e-mail us or Kent if you want the rest. It features Pritesh Patel teaching Marty how to be Indian.)